The new cow story

The Corporate Interpretation

INFOSYSism: You have a thousand poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, and send them one at a time to the US for milking.

WIPROism: GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.

DELLism: Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both and sell it as Cow's milk.

IBMism: You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to unsuspecting small businessmen.

MICROSOFTism: You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.

SUNism: You have a bull. It doesn't give milk. You hate Microsoft.

ORACLEism: You have a cow. You don't know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows.

SAPism: You don't have a cow. You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.

APPLEism: You have a cow. You sell iMilk.

SONYism: You have a cow. You spend 50 million dollars to develop the world's thinnest milk.

HPism: You don't know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through Authorized Resellers only.

GEism: You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that's his imagination at work.

RELIANCEism: You don't yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs.501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

CITIBANKism: Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press one. If you have a bull, press two. Stay on the line if you would like our customer care officer to milk it for you.

TATAism: You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.

The Political Interpretation

Chandrababuism: You have two cows in Vijayawada . You hook them to Internet and milk them from Hyderabad.

YSism:You have two cows in Vijayawada, take them to Idupulapaya and give them to your son.

Jayalalithaism: You have two cows. You teach them to cry, "Ammaaaaaaa. .." and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism: You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew.

Gandhism: You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Indiraism: You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism: You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 crore worth of cattle feed for them.

Rajnikantism: You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Sardarism: You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Poor Jokes, as they are called

Q: What's the difference between a fly & a mosquito?

A: Simple! A fly can fly, but a mosquito cannot mosquito!

Q: What did baby corn ask mom corn?

A: Where is Pop corn?

Q: Why is the River Rich?

A: It has two Banks!

Q: What do computers like to eat?

A: Chips!

Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to School?

A: She had a Bright Student.

Q: When does Gulshan Grover become Gulshan Grocer?

A: When he travels with the speed of light. Because, at that speed, 'V'elocity = 'C'onstant.

Q: Why did the girl changed her name from Shruti to Shraxis?

A: Because UTI bank is now Axis bank. Therefore, Shruti → Shraxis

Q: A cow standing on the road keeps shouting 'F'.. 'F'.. Why???

A: Because F=ma (Newton’s Second Law)

Q: Three cockroaches are walking on the road. Suddenly one of them starts singing 'Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jaana Sanam...' And the other two die immediately. Why?

A: Because it was a HIT song.

Q: A scientist disconnected his doorbell. Can u guess why?

A: he wanted to win the No-bell prize!

Q: Who is the only Aussie cricketer who always smiles, even if he is declared out?

A: Hussey.

Q: What did the policeman say when he arrested Hussey?

A: Hussey to phasi!

Q. What would an Englishman say to his Indian servant who can only understand Hindi if he wants him to open the door?

A. “There Was a Cold Day "(say it fast)

Q: Who played a double role in the movie Sholay?

A: King George- He was there on both sides of the coin.

Narcotics

A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot... The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers "That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's high on cocaine!"

Management Lessons 2

Once PV Narasimha Rao, L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were traveling in an auto-rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or preconceived notions. Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.

PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA " and he does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent. Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes.

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....." Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy. Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history. Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.

PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". He replied "1947" and passed.

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?". He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000. Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It's Laloo's turn now. Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle. Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE.