Marketing Fundaes

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's Very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." That's Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."

That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback!!!!!

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband

That's Demand and supply gap.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ----she is your wife!

That's competition eating into your market share…..

The basic laws of life that work out at every point of time

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

O'brien's Variation Law :If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

BELL'S THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water , the telephone rings.

RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are withsomeone you don't want to be seen with.

WILLOUGHBY'S LAW: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

BREDA'S RULE: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

OWEN'S LAW: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

HOWDEN'S LAW: You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.

Cheits lament: If u help a friend in need he is sure to remember you, the next time he is in need.

Dennistons law: Virtue is its own punishment

Dennistons corollary:

1. If you do something right, some one will ask you to do it again.

2. Virtuous action shall never go unpunished.

Pinto's law: Do some one a favour and it becomes your job

The Da Machi Code

Robert Lingam I.P.S (Vijayakanth) visits Madurai to deliver a lecture in college about public safety. The head pujari of Meenakshi temple is murdered. He was stabbed to death, but before dying he lies down in the robotic break dance position next to a Shiva lingam, the message clearly being "call Robert lingam". He had also smashed the breasts of a goddess statue and hung a bell with a chain from her hip. Also clutched in his hand is the Congress party manifesto with the 49% reservation for OBC’s underlined with his blood.

Pujari's grand daughter Mahalakshmi (Sneha) had just returned from USA with a degree in cryptology, symbology, singing and group-dance. She cuts short her weekend trip to Chennai and returns to Madurai upon the murder.

She meets Commissioner Lingam at the murder site and together embark to solve the murder and in the process "witness the biggest cover up in Hindu history". "My 'Thaatha' used to insist that me and my brother play hide and seek inside the temple", said Mahalakshmi.

"Why the congress manifesto? Why the underlining on the reservation part? Was your thaatha going to lose his job as head-priest to an OBC candidate?",puzzled look on Lingam's face with knit eyebrows."Thaatha always said reservation was plain bull sh**".

"What?" "Bull sh** - very rarely he used English but whenever this topic used to come up, he would use that term". Lingam's eyes lit up. "That's the clue...yes, bull sh**, oh Rama how did I miss that", excited he clutches Mahalakshmi's wrist as they bolt out of the murder scene.

"Where is the biggest Nandi bull statue in this temple complex?" "by the east gate"

"Let's go".................

Lingam put his hand into the orifice which was the a**hole of the Nandi bull statue. His fingers felt the cold touch of an ancient palm leaf. Pulling it out Lingam attempted to read under the flickering light of the solitary lamp post nearby. Neatly written in outdated Tamil script were the lines, "Kai Anchu, Vaai Nooru Periya bookukule oru chinna book".

"Ah", Lingam sighed.

"What does it mean?"

"I have heard both these lines before...but in a very different context" Lingam looked skywards for some divine intervention to help him solve this new clue. Towering into the skyline in front of him as dawn was breaking, was the tall gopuram of the temple. Quickly turning around, a smile danced on Lingam's lips as his sight fell on all the five towers. "The five towers, phallic symbols...the five Pandava brothers, we need to get to a library, I need to see the original copy of the Kamasutra", "this early in the morning?" asked Mahalakshmi as they hurried towards Lingam's jeep.

As they jeep hurtled towards the town library, Lingam explained, "Few temples in India are famous for their erotic art and architecture.The kings built those to encourage population growth. For centuries, there has been rumours of a secret society that guarded a secret behind such art and symbols, a secret so powerful that if revealed would shake the very foundations of conservative culture."

COMING SOON TO A SCREEN NEAR YOU.... WITNESS THE GREATEST COVER UP IN HINDU HISTORY A SECRET SO DEVASTATING THAT IF REVEALED COULD LEAD TO EVEN MORE CATACLISMIC POPULATION EXPLOSION.....WAS THE MOST NOTORIOUS PIECE OF INDIAN LITERATURE ORIGINALLY PART OF THE GREATEST EPIC POEM EVER WRITTEN? WERE THE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE KAMASUTRA THE SAME GODS AND GODDESSES GLORIFIED IN ANCIENT TEXTS? CONTINUING WITH THE MODERN INDIAN TRADITION OF BLATANTLY APING THE WEST....

A.M.RATNAM PRESENTS

CAPTAIN in

THE DA MACHI CODE

'SO CORNY A DARK MAN'

PONGAL 2007 Release

Disclaimer: I have copied this from an email and pasted it here, just because it is extremely funny. I am willing to make a statement at the beginning calling it fiction. Please do not protest. I hold no responsibility what so ever for any hurt sentiments. Read at your own risk.

kidnap....

There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city play round". Signed, "A Sardarji". The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardar ?!"